On Potties and Pee Pee's

Well this is a bit late Internet challenges, etc. Today is Monday the 28th and we are in Kudashi, Turkey (something like that). So this update is a bit dated, but it’s all Phyllis will let me do for now. Something about wanting to eat dinner. Oh yeah, we now own a really nice Turkish arrreeea gerrrruuuug.

Okay, as of Friday May 25th Stamatis had left for Kimi and we were completely on our own for the first time since we had arrived in Greece. Dhen Perazee (No problem), thanks to listening to a Greek language CD practically everyday for the last two months I had learned quite a few words. I didn’t have any idea on how to string them together exactly, but I could say a few phrases such as Eeme Hasee (I’m lost), Polee Akreevo (to expensive), simbo lenvonodae tatehera (is the tip included), Pooeene Toiletes (where is the toilet). Surprisingly that last came in the handiest. An important travel tip: Getting to a bathroom quickly is very important when you consume lots of olive oil and beverages. On that topic, I must comment on the Greek public bathrooms. When I left Greece in 1963 a public restroom, especially in a taverna or restaurant generally consisted of a lean-to attachment. It was a foul smelling afterthought, without running water and unlit, it consisted of four walls and a floor, usually concrete, with a hole in it. Toilet paper? And that was the ladies room. The men just went out back in the alley. Let’s just say that in 44 years there have been considerable improvements and from a standpoint of condition and cleanliness the public facilities in the states could learn a thing or two from the Greeks. With modern plumbing and self activating lighting my public bathroom experiences were hygienic, pleasant and even attractive.
My last topic is actually a pretty good segue to my next topic, male genitalia as it relates to ancient Greek statuary. Ladies this is for men only so read no further. If the phrase “To much information” means anything to you then go on to the next segment.

Okay guys hopefully we’re alone. The last few days after having wandered past hundreds of recovered artifacts and in particular the amazingly life like marble and bronze statues, it hit me like lightening that those ancient Greek statue makers were more than just gifted artisans. Those guys new the value of misleading advertising and somehow worked it into a conspiracy lasting centuries and possibly millennia. I’ve never seen this in print before so up until now I can only assume it’s been lost to antiquity or such a closely guarded secret that it’s been completely withheld. I’ve even debated over my right to reveal it. I mean when it hit me I was dumbfounded by the simple genius of what these guys perpetrated for hundreds and maybe even thousands of years. Look, I’m sorry to drag this out and I promise I’m working toward a point. First, allow me to lay some factual groundwork. I believe to do so will lend credence and give my discovery the relevance it deserves.
Fact: Obviously, the Greek god’s and goddess’s statues were made for the adulations of the populace.
Fact: They were part of the majority’s belief system and had a places of honor in all of the temples and customary places of worship.
Fact: The statues of the goddesses portrayed them with rare beauty and usually completely clothed; however, the statues of the gods although handsome and muscular were usually completely naked.
Fact: While the gods held a sword, Trident, shield, etc. none of these items offered much in the way of privacy.
Fact: The goddesses typically were depicted much more modestly, usually with full-length robes and gowns except for occasionally exposing nicely shaped buttocks, and possibly a single nicely shaped, perky boob.
Fact: The male gods have everything hanging out. No modesty for these guys, I mean they were gods after all, with chiseled well defined muscular bodies god like in EVERY WAY right…?

Err, me no think so. I mean take a look. Just look at the pictures and I promise this is a fair representation of what I saw every day and everywhere. These god statues will make even the most insecure of us feel better. These totally built, Adonis like, bodies all have the pee-pee of a three year old. So finally, I can get to my point. Who made the statues, men right? Ah, but who is looking at the statues, everybody and especially the women, get it! Okay, if you are still a little lost don’t worry. Just review the pictures and here’s the whole enchilada.

The way I see it ancient guys didn’t catch a lot of breaks I mean most of them did not have status, i.e. nobility, wealthy, high government positions. So that meant they were slaves, surfs, soldiers, tradesman or minor bureaucrats. In other words, they were hard working and trying to make ends meet. They were probably not even that well fed so the physique while not over weight was probably not Herculean either. Maybe from the ladies’ point of view not a terrific prospect. But, there also wasn’t mass media with the exception of statues. No printing press, no photography, no movies, no TV! That means no well photographed and publicized celebrities e.g. The Chippendales, male porn stars, etc.. Women saw statues of gods, and those nice muscular gods, had really small wieners. Now even though the guy they were married to smelled like fish, manure, broke rocks, drug rocks chipped rocks or wrote on papyrus scrolls, day in and day out he still had something going for him that even Zeus couldn’t boast. A pretty good sized (by comparison) shlong. And that’s why in spite of plague, poverty and mass un-enlightenment men named it the golden age!